i met myself

I was in a Reset Pilates class.
The room was dark, lit only by candles.
45 minutes of breathwork, stretching, and reconnecting with your body.

At the end, the instructor led us through a brief guided meditation:
“Connect with an earlier version of yourself. Forgive them. Let them know they’re okay…”

At first, I tried to connect with a younger, child version of me.
But I couldn’t find her.
So I exhaled. Relaxed. Let go.

And then I found her
Me. From April 2025.
The version of me who was actively crashing out.

I’m in my bedroom. Crying.
Ripping the sheets off my bed.
Sliding down the wall kind of crying.
Grief in motion. Disappointment. Exhaustion.
Just too much.

I told her:
“It’s okay.
You’re okay.
You’re going to be okay.
I forgive you, for the choices you made, for the spiraling, for it all.
It doesn’t define us.
We’re safe now.
We made it through. It’s ok.
I love you”

After class, I sat in my car
And the memory of that night came rushing back.
The way my chest felt like it could collapse from the weight of my emotions.
How deeply alone I felt.
How hopeless.

And then I remembered the tears just stopped.
Like the sun coming through a cloudy sky.

I got up.
Made my bed.
Got in the shower and let the water wash everything away.

At the time, I thought:
“I guess I’m just all cried out.”

But now…
Now I know, a future version of myself had come back for me.
She wrapped me in grace.
She whispered that we’d make it.
That joy would return.
That I wasn’t broken, I was breaking through.

I met her.
I met me.
The woman who chose herself.
Who turned breakdowns into breakthroughs.
Whole. Healing. And at peace.
Proof that healing is real